I'm scared that my mates will leave me and ill have to cope on my own when i start 2ndry ? wat shud i do?

heya im starting secondary school and im fraid that after the summer hols theyll leave me to cope on my own, what do i do???I'm scared that my mates will leave me and ill have to cope on my own when i start 2ndry ? wat shud i do?
Hi there,





Friendships and relationships are underpinned by principles of trust, honesty, loyalty, integrity and respect amongst other criteria in equal measure by each party to that friendship. Of these trust is not a God given right but needs to be earned over a period of time.





Whilst we may make friends with people for one or more reasons, we have to start with the assumption that their values, ethics and code of morality are pretty in keeping with our own. After all if you are anti-drugs you鈥檇 hardly want a drug addict as a bosom friend. Similarly we have to take for granted that the principles I鈥檝e mentioned are in place. Just as it takes time to build up trust, so too time will enable you to evaluate whether the principles I鈥檝e mentioned are characteristic of the person.





Very often though we make friends from the environment we are in and when this changes very often friends go their separate ways. Try to keep in contact, by phone, texting and more importantly meeting up from time to time with those who mean the most to you.





When you start at secondary school you will be provided with an opportunity to make new friends. Embrace this. Here are a few tips.





Build up confidence. Focus on what you are confident about, whether it be math, science, track, or chess. Are there any clubs at school associated with these interests?





Limit friendships. Concentrate on finding one or two really good friends. After feeling comfortable with a few people, it will be easier to open up and make new friends in the future.





Ask questions. People love to talk about themselves. Just listen intently and remember points that they make, so you can bring them up at a later time.





Use friendly gestures. Try smiling and laughing a bit when talking to others. This will help loosen you up and make you feel more relaxed.





Attitude check. Sometimes being shy means that you come across as untouchable or not wanting to make friends. Don't give this impression, if at all possible.





Give it time. As social skills start to develop in the early pre-teen years, you will find it easier to communicate with others. It will take its natural course.





Be picky. Don't make friends with the wrong group of people. You do not want to get mixed up with kids who like to gossip about others or put others down just to fit in.





Be yourself. Trying to be just like someone else is hard work, especially if you are shy to boot. Making friends is not about mimicking to fit in. You want friends who like you just the way you are.





When with people, mind your posture, smile and try at least to look relaxed. If you look rigid and always staring into the distance with little or no eye contact, keeping your arms closed against your chest, these are dead giveaways that you do not want to talk and mingle. Your body language will say a great deal about you and says a lot about the way you feel at the moment. If you remain isolated, hardly smile or have little eye contact you could give the impression that you are being rude when in fact you are using defence mechanisms to overcome your shyness.





Shyness is a defence mechanism to defend us against bad outcomes but if we don't risk bad outcomes then we'll never get good outcomes either. At the heart of it shyness is the fear of being judged harshly. A shy person is a person who does not want to be subjected to the opinions of others because they believe those opinions will be negative and feel vulnerable because they do not have a strong sense of self esteem.





Overcoming shyness has to start with you. When you divorce yourself from your shyness which will take time and persistence your life will change. When you enter a room meeting people for the first time - no matter the context, job interviews or parties and you feel those jitters and butterflies, remember that most people you meet are too busy worrying about what others think about them to really notice and judge you.





When with people, mind your posture, smile and try at least to look relaxed. If you look rigid and always staring into the distance with little or no eye contact, keeping your arms closed against your chest, these are dead giveaways that you do not want to talk and mingle. Your body language will say a great deal about you and says a lot about the way you feel at the moment. If you remain isolated, hardly smile or have little eye contact you could give the impression that you are being rude when in fact you are using defence mechanisms to overcome your shyness.





Here are a few tips





1. Get out and mingle with people. Join activities in which you are interacting with people.





2. Don't fear rejection. Just as snooker players are out to win, they start the game knowing they may not win. Similarly you can't expect success every time. View every encounter with people as a positive learning experience. Try not be self-conscious. Instead of thinking about your perceived flaws focus your thoughts entirely on Here are a few tips





1. Get out and mingle with people. Join activities in which you are interacting with people.





2. Don't fear rejection. Just as snooker players are out to win, they start the game knowing they may not win. Similarly you can't expect success every time. View every encounter with people as a positive learning experience. Try not be self-conscious. Instead of thinking about your perceived flaws focus your thoughts entirely on the person you're talking to.





3. Learn to listen. In conversation, avoid closed questions with a yes or no answer. Encourage people to talk about themselves. Smile occasionally and develop plenty of eye contact. Your butterflies and jitters will go. If the conversations lulls have new topics of conversation ready at hand. You may discover new topics in the course of the conversation.





4. Don't take things personally. Sometimes people say things they don't mean. If inappropriate comments are made though you should stand your ground and stand up for yourself.





Please feel free to email me if you consider I can be of further assistance.I'm scared that my mates will leave me and ill have to cope on my own when i start 2ndry ? wat shud i do?
if they are true friends they will stick around. Are they all going to the same secondary school? Why dont you have a serious chat with them and let them know how you are feeling. That will give them the opportunity to reassure you that they'll be sticking around.





The transition into secondary school is a terrifying process but trust me within no time you will have made a whole set of new friends who which will take you right through the years.
You'll cope on your own. I can't even remember 99% of the people I went to school with. So in about 20 years time once you have a job and you're own house etc you'll have a new set of friends.


A True friend will still be there.


You go through life having different sets of friends. School, college, first job etc. Most will loose touch as you move on in life, so you need to get used to it now.





If that fails just use facebook.
its a part of growing up you got to stand up and be brave


our daughter is starting as well but its the best thing is you meet new friends
chill out. if they are real friends then they wont bail and if they do then you get the opputunity to get new friends
Stop worrying. You are only going to hurt yourself.
if you need someone to talk too or a friend im here.


rmerriem@yahoo.com.au my name is merriem.